At first, i wonder if i do love him that much or is it just my emotions and complication of everything thats going on... our relationship hasn't been going right lately, were not together anymore, it should be a good reason for me to MOVE ON, but why is it so hard i can't even explain ...
Everyone says "NO" but my heart says "YES"
why , why , why couldn't my heart just cooperate with my mind ...
The harder i ask my self, the harder the pain spread, its already spreading through all parts of me ..
Then i ask my sissy "Dybon" , what should i do , then she ask me " Why do love him so much ? "
I just simply said " I don't know "
Then she gave me this :
" Sometime when you think that you really really love someone, you just want to see them happy, even it will hurt you so much.. Love isnt about physically, caring or jealousy, its more than that.. Love is about sacrifice .. How to control your emotion, your patience, your anger, your jealousy and you would never count how much you spend your power, your money, your time or you dont care that you just take a risk for them, you just want to fight for them... In the end, even they dissapointed you and hurt you a lot, you still gonna forgive them easily... And when people ask u, why you did all those things to them? why do u love them? why you always smile and look strong even you've got hurt? and if u couldnt find ur answer or u say "I dont know" so thats love "
Well, after that i smiled :) because now i know why, i simply do LOVE him, but maybe i just need time to progress everything thats been going on... And i thing i have to learn is LETTING GO ... it's soudns easy but it's really hard when your in my position, maybe everyone says i'm stupid to be still holding on, but maybe you haven't felt ike what i'm feeling right now ...
But i don't blame anyone, not even you, because it's all my fault, i made my self fall in love with you too deep that i forget my self...
So, now i'm writing this just a simple thing on my mine and to remind me, I LOVE YOU so much that I'M LETTING YOU GO if you want me too, but give me time to adjust the pain so when i'm gone, i will smile and say " I LOVE YOU and please BE HAPPY because seeing you happy makes me more HAPPY "
